Bleeding thoughts

So I think I just want to write about stuff. I don't really have an agenda for this post, but I wanted to say something so here it is. Let's see... where to start....

So I think I want to be a samurai. I really like the movie "The Last Samurai" and something about that lifestyle appeals to me. Maybe its the simplicity, maybe its about living a life with honor and being willing to fight and die for something you believe in, or maybe its just that I could be awesome with a sword and wear cool armor, whatever it is I am convinced that it is the life for me.

I got the title of this post from a Switchfoot song. Its called 'Concrete Girl' and I don't really know what the song is about but this is the first line. Another line from that song says "Nothing to run from is worse than something, all your fears are nothing" I am not sure what that line means either, but it makes me think that my life is somewhat pointless as it stands right now. I am not doing much running of any sort and I feel like fear sometimes holds me back. Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of opening up... Maybe writing my thoughts down like this will help me to get past at least the last one and I won't be afraid to let others in to my life. I don't know why that is so hard for me but I think that it has something to do with not wanting others to think poorly of me because of certain things in my life. Thats rather ridiculous really because I really don't have much to hide but still it scares me. The other 2 fears up there and probably some other ones will have to be dealt with later, but I definately want to get past those also because they are definately keeping me from fulfilling my purpose in life.

Hmm purpose in life, I don't even want to go there.... I don't know what mine is but I know that I am not fulfilling it. I know God has something he wants from me but I have no idea what it is. I guess i just need to wait til he shows me what it is. I kinda hope its soon.

So we watched King Kong last night. It was a good movie but it left me wondering something. Do animals really notice beauty? At the end of the movie Jack Black says something like "Beauty killed the beast" When I look around and see the beauty of God's creation I am left in awe and looking at it reminds me that God is amazing and has awesome plans for me... then I go back to wondering what they are and I feel a bit of a void. I read this book called "The Sacred Romance" once and it perfectly described that feeling, I tried to reread it again to remind myself how it suggested obtaining that romance, but I only finished a few chapters. Story of my life.

Wow, that is quite the random rambling, as I reread it I am not even sure it makes sense. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I guess it kind of shows the kinds of things that continually run through my head. Pretty scary huh? Now you know, probably not a good idea to ask me what I am thinkin.