Schtuff

hmmm, its been a while since I wrote anything and so I guess its time to do that.

So I am going to be moving to North Denver somewhere, somewhere near work. I am looking at houses and trying to find something to buy. I hate it. Its so hard because there are so many out there, none that are what I want, at least that I can afford. I have about 10 more lined up to see. I looked at 10 last night and didn't see any that I would want to buy.

I leave Friday for our surf trip in Cali. I CAN'T WAIT! I am gonna fly out and meet the guys in Vegas since they are leaving earlier than I can get away with. I'm not a big fan of Vegas, but it will be fun for a night. Then off to the beach. I used to love the beach as a kid. I don't think the beach in California is as nice as those in Hawaii, or at least as warm, so it won't be quite the same but thats fine, I'll be a thousand miles from work and having a great time. I have a case of Ale8(thanks Dusty;)) to drink while I watch the sunset after a day of surfing. That just sounds so nice. The background on my MSN messenger is a surfer watching the sunset. Thats gonna be me... well assuming I can even stand up on the board.

This weekend was really good. I went home for my parent's birthdays and fathers day. It was cool, got to hang out with the fam, including Aidan. That kid is so funny. Just watching him play is entertaining and I think I am his favorite. He kept saying "My Brent" and wouldn't go to anyone else. Now thats a good self esteem booster haha.

When I wasn't at home this weekend I was hanging out with Dusty. She's so fun, and cool, and I just had a great time getting to know her better. I can't wait to hang out with her more. She lives in Aurora though so its hard to get down to see her very often. Maybe it will be easier when I find a house down near work, I sure hope so!

Ummm, what else do I have to say.uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I think thats it.

some days I just want to scream!
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HHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Headlines and such

"Battle between grace and pride..."- Pride Wins Again

No quiero ir a clase porque no me gusta hablar en frente de los otros estudiantes.

Arrrrrrgggghhh Matey

Brent's Head>>>>adsfuohasdifhamsdopfhjadofyasdp,fjaklegapui
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Mama's Boy?

"The definition of love is in the cross, there is beauty, there is passion, there is pain"

"Somewhere over the rainbow"

The missing pursuit of the ultimate pump

hmm married huh?

Windows down, radio blasting, life is good


So if you haven't caught on, these are some of the random and mostly unimportant things that have crossed my mind or come in to my life recently. I am not gonna explain any of them though, but feel free to guess. haha.

Naked

So I have been listening to the song in my last post all day long. I wonder what the record for most amount of time spent listening to the same song over and over is. It's gotta be a few days. Well thats not why I am writing this.

This song makes me think about my life and how far and how long I have been just getting by as a Christian. I've "been doing enough just to get, just to get by, thinking that you live the right life" as Pillar puts it. I go to church, I try avoid some of the things the world say are good, but not as much as I should. I do a pretty good job of putting on a good mask and making people think that I am living a good life.

Meanwhile, inside I am a mess. My heart is so hardened to the things of this world and I have become so apathetic to the things around me that I wonder if its even possible for me to love. Sin runs deep and no matter how hard I try to escape I just can't. On a daily basis I throw dirt in God's face, and blatently do what I know is wrong, and other times I do things and don't even think about it because I have become so desensitized to it. Basically, I have become everything that I never wanted to be. In mine, the darkest of hearts, you can find pretty much anything that the Bible says is wrong. Trust me, its in there.

So now what? I have basically told everyone that I am the worst kind of person and that everything that they see of me is nothing more than a facade. I am bearing my soul to the world and I have never been so scared in my life. I have always been the kind to wonder what people would think if they knew what went on inside of me. Now that they do, or they will if the end up reading this, I can't help but wonder how their perceptions will change. Oh well, thats not the point, I can't hold it in anymore.

So, here I am, as vulnerable as I have ever been and its time to do something about it. I love God, and it is only by his grace that I have a chance to change. The line from the song, "Despite the endless times I've failed for You, And the wooden cross I nailed You to, I just want You to know I meant every single word I said to You" stands out in my mind right now. I do love God and even though I am constantly disappointing him and breaking his heart, that won't change. I know that I have no possible way of changing any of this without him. What does the Brent that God desires look like? Whats the first step of getting to that person? I need a change. Something drastic, something monumental. I need to do a 180 and only He can help me with that. He is breaking me. He has plans for me. I have no idea what they are and right now I am scared beyond belief but I know that they are necessary. All I know is that he is going to have to do some house cleaning. That will be quite a chore... worse than cleaning my room. He is capable, He is amazing and thankfully He is willing.

Small to Say

I just can't get this song out of my head... probably because I keep playing it over and over again...


Small To Say
Thousand Foot Krutch

Caressed by the wings You've given me
Beautifully delivered me
I tried so hard to keep looking at You to stand strong
Beneath the dirt I've thrown at You
The seeds You've sown have grown into
My bloodline and my veins will too

And I want You
And my trust has been so broken
I need You to step inside and feel the way I feel
And I want You
And my heart has been so broken
I need You to step inside and feel the way I feel

Despite the endless times I've failed for You
And the wooden cross I nailed You to
I just want You to know I meant every single word I said to You
I raise this cup I call my life I stand alone and hold it high
I won't spill cause I'll hold it tight

And I want You
And my trust has been so broken
I need You to step inside and feel the way I feel
And I want You
And my heart has been so broken
I need You to step inside and feel the way I feel

And I wonder how its going to come together
And don't look now but things are looking better
I wonder if you'll ever meet
This screaming boy inside of me
It's like an earthquake when I hold it in and hold it in again
I wonder if you'll ever see
All the things I wanna be
And there's so much more to me
Cause there's so much more to You
I wonder if you'll ever meet
This screaming boy inside of me
It's like an earthquake when I hold it in and hold it in again

And I want You And my trust has been so broken
I need You to step inside and feel the way
I feel And I want You And my heart has been so broken
I need You to step inside, step, step inside

So true...

"Don't Trust that Girl"
-Ace Troubleshooter

You know that kind of girl that makes your heart beat all fast?
You know that kind of love that you know will last?
I knew that kind of girl, I knew that kind of love
But then she broke it off when I was so sure of her

Don't trust that girl
She's up to no good
She'll mess with you like no one should

Empty promises thrown into the wind
Mirage vanishes, never to see again
Hey fellas, be you ware, don't wanna end up like me
Another victim of her stupid female schemes

And so the time moves on with feelings come and gone
And Christ is the one constant I can lean on
So now I am left here feeling like a schmuck
With one thought on my mind: "She's no good!!"

Soul Juice

Hmm, so its been over a month since I wrote anything here. I really can't say that I had any great revelations during that time so that is probably why I haven't written anything. Hmmm, lets see....

Chantel bought me some Ale 8 for my birthday. That stuff is oh so wonderful and when I drink it all my life seems to make sense... I am not drinking one right now so for now its back to nonsense. At any rate, Ale 8 is good for my soul and I love it.

So I was thinking of buying a place closer to work. I never realized how expensive houses are down there. There is no rush though. I'm enjoying living in the Fort with "The Family", besides, rumor has it Nikki is moving up here.

Ah, Nikki, how can I be so infatuated with someone I have never met in person. I am not sure what kind of powers are trying to keep us apart, but with her in the Fort, they are going to work much harder.

So I have been getting back in to the gym more lately. I love the way I feel after a good workout and I feel much more confident when I am a little bigger. Last time I was working out a lot Chantel said that I was getting TOO big. If you know me you know that what she thinks is important to me. I think she is one of the few people in my life that I really care what they think. Oh well, she hasn't said anything this time around and she's in Costa Rica for a month so she won't see me. Speaking of her being in Costa Rica, if think about it, pray for her. Its kinda dangerous down there and God is really working on her so she definately needs it.

I can't wait to get to Florida for my cruise. I have never been on one before so I am excited. It should be really fun. It's gonna be awesome. I can't wait to just kick back and relax.

wow, this blog is really lame. oh well, such is my life.