Something More

So today was an interesting day that just left me in a whirlwind. It started off with church where Brad talked the parable of the talents, and how we need to use what he has given us. Apparently God is telling me that I have lots of gifts, talents whatever you want to call them, that I am not using. Jeff talked about the same passage a couple weeks ago and I felt the same way. So here is the problem.... I haven't the slightest idea what gifts or talents God has blessed me with. Nor do I have the slightest idea where or how he wants me to use them. So that left me with a lot of randomness in my head. Then this evening we had our first service for Flow. It was pretty cool and I am interested to see where things go. The best part for me was afterwards when I got to have a good conversation with Nichole. We talked about how we're both kind of feeling disatisfied with our direction in life and while our lives are good, we just don't feel like we're heading where God wants us to be. There is a feeling of confusion there and unrest and I am realizing that it is very common amongst people in our age group. On the way home Jeff and I talked about it and he suggested I not try and ignore that feeling or try and put it off but I pursue it now. I think he is right and he said the answer may not be what I want to hear but its where I need to be. That scares me. Hmm... there it is again. Fear holding me back. I can't let it.So here are the big questions in my life right now:

What has God given me and how can I use those gifts?
What am I passionate about?
What do I want to be doing with my life?
Where should I be going with my life?
Where AM I going with my life?

Wow this blog is really depressing and so I think I am going to put in a nice picture of what I wish I were doing while I ponder these questions.... On a beach much like this one, in a Hammock with an ice cold Ale8 in my hand... ahhhh now thats good for the soul.

Playing Along

Four jobs you have had in your life:
Blockbuster Video
Papa John's Pizza Driver
RadioShack Nerd
Production Support Engineer

Four movies you would watch over and over:
Ten Things I Hate About You
Rush Hour
Mr. Deeds
Shanghai Noon

Four places you have lived:
Lewistown, Montana
Winchester, Kentucky
Waikoloa and Hilo, Hawaii
Littleton and Fort Collins, Colorado

Four TV shows you love to watch:
House
Friends
Seinfeld
Mythbusters

Four places you have been on vacation:
Florida
California
Arizona
Minnesota

Four websites I visit daily:
Hotmail.com
Myspace.com
Ebay.com
Craigslist.org

Four of my favorite foods:
Tuna Casserole
Thick, Juicy Steak
Burritos
Pasta

Four places I would rather be right now:
A nice beach
In bed
Seeing something new
Hanging with Aidan

So the way this works is I tag some fools and make them answer these fun get to know you questions, here go. I tag nikkifritz... shes the only other blogger I know.

Randomocity

I really liked writing down a bunch of random thoughts last time so I think that i will do it again. Hmm lets see what comes out this time.

Last night we watched "Hotel Rwanda" and it was a really good movie, despite being very intense and somewhat disturbing. It makes me wonder what my reaction would be if I had seen these atrocities on the television. Would I have stood up and tried to do something? I would sure hope that I would, but would I feel so small and think that I could not make a difference? I hope that I never have to find that out.

Another thought that came to my mind was about what I want to be as a man. The main character had some traits that I certainly want to have. He was very brave, courageous, loved his family more than himself, and respectable in the eyes of those around him. I once read the book "Tender Warrior" and thought that that book describes what I want to be as a man and how I want to relate to my wife, my kids, and those around me. I guess what I am thinking is that I am still a man in progress and as I grow and develop into the man that I will become, these are some of the characteristics that I want to have.

Hmm so far this randomness isn't as fun as the last one....

So I am really getting excited about heading out to Cali with Jeff and Vince. We are gonna spend a week out there learning to surf. Its gonna be a great time just to hang out, have an awesome time. I have never surfed but I spent a lot of time body boarding as a kid in Hawaii. I love the ocean and can't wait to get back to it and enjoy sun, sand, and water.

I just remembered that I will get to enjoy the ocean sooner than that on the cruise that I am going on in March. I am getting pretty excited and nervous at the same time. I have never been on a big boat, especially one where I will have to dress up for dinner on.

Well I think thats about all I have this time. I hope to come up with a good not so random topic for my next one. We'll see how that works out.

Bleeding thoughts

So I think I just want to write about stuff. I don't really have an agenda for this post, but I wanted to say something so here it is. Let's see... where to start....

So I think I want to be a samurai. I really like the movie "The Last Samurai" and something about that lifestyle appeals to me. Maybe its the simplicity, maybe its about living a life with honor and being willing to fight and die for something you believe in, or maybe its just that I could be awesome with a sword and wear cool armor, whatever it is I am convinced that it is the life for me.

I got the title of this post from a Switchfoot song. Its called 'Concrete Girl' and I don't really know what the song is about but this is the first line. Another line from that song says "Nothing to run from is worse than something, all your fears are nothing" I am not sure what that line means either, but it makes me think that my life is somewhat pointless as it stands right now. I am not doing much running of any sort and I feel like fear sometimes holds me back. Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of opening up... Maybe writing my thoughts down like this will help me to get past at least the last one and I won't be afraid to let others in to my life. I don't know why that is so hard for me but I think that it has something to do with not wanting others to think poorly of me because of certain things in my life. Thats rather ridiculous really because I really don't have much to hide but still it scares me. The other 2 fears up there and probably some other ones will have to be dealt with later, but I definately want to get past those also because they are definately keeping me from fulfilling my purpose in life.

Hmm purpose in life, I don't even want to go there.... I don't know what mine is but I know that I am not fulfilling it. I know God has something he wants from me but I have no idea what it is. I guess i just need to wait til he shows me what it is. I kinda hope its soon.

So we watched King Kong last night. It was a good movie but it left me wondering something. Do animals really notice beauty? At the end of the movie Jack Black says something like "Beauty killed the beast" When I look around and see the beauty of God's creation I am left in awe and looking at it reminds me that God is amazing and has awesome plans for me... then I go back to wondering what they are and I feel a bit of a void. I read this book called "The Sacred Romance" once and it perfectly described that feeling, I tried to reread it again to remind myself how it suggested obtaining that romance, but I only finished a few chapters. Story of my life.

Wow, that is quite the random rambling, as I reread it I am not even sure it makes sense. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I guess it kind of shows the kinds of things that continually run through my head. Pretty scary huh? Now you know, probably not a good idea to ask me what I am thinkin.

New beginnings

Its a new year and its time to try something new. Jeff and Vince talked me in to giving "blogging" a try. At first I had my doubts that I could come up with anything worthwhile to say on here. Who knows, maybe I will come up with tons to say, I guess we'll find out. Something like this is totally against my nature. I have always been pretty introverted and tended to keep things bottled up inside. I guess thats kind of what happens when you're always the new kid. So anyways, I am excited to give this a shot and I welcome your comments, thoughts, and suggestions related to any of my ramblings.